So, why haven’t I been online and why the sudden disapearence with no explanation? I had to get offline (off Facebook specifically) because I was internalizing too much of the conflict and it was having a corrosive effect on my life and my mental state. It was making me an angry person. I am not an angry person. Why didn’t I explain this then? Cowardice I suppose. I was afraid to get pulled back in. I decided to just cut off all contact by just not looking at Facebook or even e-mail for months. Sorry to any I may have let down and more importantly I appologize to any friends or family that may have been worried about my well being. I’m …..transitioning. To say I’m fine would be a lie, but I as I re-read my old posts I can tell you that I am feeling better and think I am heading in a more positive direction again.
One thing I have learned it that the “depressive cycles” that I spoke of seem to be more “depressive orbits”. The difference being the momentum involved. An orbit is not always a perfect circle and if one can alter the flight projection one can alter that flight path. Leading to more time on one side of the orbit that the other. My hypothesis is that with effort I can eventually break orbit all together. So far the results have been positive. My time spent in a state of depression has lessened with each orbit and my time spent in a ..better mental state has been longer.
The other insight I have made is that I decided to stop fighting the “crazy”…. ,which is separate from the depression, and just go with it. If my ideas are odd, so be it. Which, in a way, leads to the next question.
Why am I back? My time on facebook tought me, and studies have since proven, that you can’t change peoples minds with logic and facts any more… maybe you never could. Instead folks make up their minds on “insert debate topic of choice” emotionally first and then find facts to support that point of view. So if I wants to change how the world thinks I can’t rely on facts, instead I must pull heart strings. Therefor in the months I’ve been gone I’ve been immersing myself in my art. Not only my photography and photoshop work but I’ve also taken up wood working, inlaying, painting, paint pouring, abstract art, sculpture, decoupage, collage and…..knick knacky stuff like potion bottles, gnome houses, wooden boxes with song lyrics hand written on them, honest greeting cards, trading cards and comic books. I’ve been showing at a local art street fair once a month (First Friday, if your in Bakersfield I would be honored if you were to stop by and check it out). And I’ve been handing out “business” cards with this website listed….so I figured I better start uploading more of my art. There’s a selection of the pour paintings and a few collages up now from my first few months of work but I plan on putting up a bunch more in the coming months so keep coming back to see what’s new.
Wow….if you made it through that wall of text….thanks! A lot! For a reward anyone who shows up at my booth at First Friday and whispers the top secret phrase “The eagle flies at midnight.” will get a free golden ticket! What are golden tickets good for? Well, you’ll just have to wait and see…..